Extreems Within Extreems Within Extreems

One of autism's few physical traits is that autistic children tend to have large eyes. Their propensity for appearing to see things that are not there easily lends them an expression of wonder.

These characteristics very often make them physically beautiful children and this is one of autism's crueler traits. It tears at us to have such a beautiful child that will always be as physically attractive as he will be vulnerable to the more predatory among the human race, always be too trusting of strangers, too easily taken advantage of. Tim is an embodiment of extremes. It would be easier if there was a physical trait that people could spot from a good ten feet away and think silently, "autistic." ...and then maybe not get too close or try to be helpful or get judgmental when Tim has one of his temper tantrums in public (more on that later).

There I said it! The unthinkable and unspeakable. What parent in their right mind would wish that their kid was somehow marked so others would not be caught off-guard for their own safety, or keep their opinions on our parenting skills to themselves. We alternately chastise ourselves with guilt for wallowing in such a silly selfish though, while being proud that he IS handsome. That's one of the few good things going for him, damn it. It's our job to make certain that he learns to be proud of his appearance and learns enough to be safe when we're gone.

It is easy to see-saw back and forth between these two thoughts. The contrast between such shallow selfishness on one hand and the realization that the latter may be impossible forces us to either stand against a howling gale of odds or be instantly obliterated by self-pity, failing as parents.

This is nothing like what we face with our other son (who is intellectually gifted). There we see-saw between challenging thoughts like, "Should we have the school skip him one or two grades so he's not bored in class or let him stay with his age-group for the social skills."

Tim is a living embodiment of extremes: extreme mood swings, beautiful features and shattered mind with a near photographic memory for cars. As his parents we find ourselves temped by extreme thoughts of selfish self-pity and counter with selflessness. Living with Tim and his bother, we live the extremes of raising a gifted child and one who is mentally disabled. Extremes within extremes within extremes. Equilibrium is that of diametric opposition. I've given up trying to find the center, although I do see it fly by every now and then.